
10 Sure Musical Cures for the Holiday Blues
Perhaps you are like me and find the holiday season the saddest and most soul dead-ening time on the calender. If you aren't, you're lucky and I envy you. But if you are sad like me or just a music lover I offer you 10 secular and non-holiday sounds sure to pull you up out of the mire....

1. Get Yer Boots On: The Best of Slade.
I don't normally condone greatest hits records, but then again, Slade was never an "Album" band. You can have any manner of tragedy befall you and I guarantee....you put on 'Cum on Feel the Noize', crank it to 11 and it will become the best day of your life. Slade put the fun back in music with a capital "F" and are aural prozac. Girls grab the boys!

2. Eat to the Beat-Blondie (1979)
Go directly to track 8, "Slow Motion" and realize that Debbie Harry is my generation's Ronnie Spector. All tears are dried and there are nothing but smiles when you spin this, their masterpiece. By the time you get through "Dreaming", "Atomic" and "Union City Blue" you will hold your head high and have a bounce in your step. When I was in 4th grade someone had a 45 of 'Call Me' and we listened to it at recess. The next day Debbie Harry was on The Muppet Show. All of the sudden I became very interested in the opposite sex and wanted to go to NYC. 5 years later my family and I visited the big apple. It was a basic trip to see the Statue of Liberty (her name is Columbia, by the way) and buildings. But my dad was cool enough to drive our maroon-wood paneled mini van through the west village (because I had been listening non-stop to the Velvet Underground and reading books about Warhol). I'll never forget how big my green eyes got when he passed 315 bowery and I actually saw CBGBs. Thats the sort of thing I need to remember to thank my folks for at Christmas, but moving on...

3. Widow City-The Fiery Furnaces (1997)
I know, I know...I write about this record all the time. However, songs like "My Egyptian Grammer", "Navy Nurse" and especially "Cabaret of the Seven Devils" pull me off the ledge every time. On a personal level it helps that their songwriter/multi-instrumentalist Matthew Friedberger is perhaps the nicest guy in all of rock & roll. We should count ourselves lucky to have the Furnaces making us music. At the senior center where I work during the day a fellow recently showed me a painting of Switzerland he had finished. He counted the mountains in the same cadence as Eleanor...."one...two...three...four..five..six..seven. At that moment I realized that The Fiery Furnces exist on a plane that the rest of us can only hope to tread.

4. Growers of Mushroom-Leaf Hound (1971)
Stop scratching your head and looking through your record collection. You don't have it and you've never heard it. But if you ever find yourself a copy "Freelance Fiend" will be the song that inspires you to tell off your boss or inspires you to start that small business you should have had all along. "Freelance Fiend"'s crotch-thrusting, gutter thumping, fist pumping riff is pretty much all you need on a bad day. Trust me.

5.Fist City-Loretta Lynn (1972)
Of the scads and scores and piles of records Loretta Lynn recorded in the late 60's and early 70's this is the one to get. If you ever find it you will learn, like me, that just hearing Loretta's voice makes you want to go out and hug everybody. Well, almost everybody. Her hardscrabble, heard-it-all voice is like the proverbial voice in the wilderness on a cold winter night.

6. A Date with Elvis-The Cramps
Has anyone ever been sad listening to a Cramps record? Science has proven that the answer is no. Once you learn "What's inside a Girl", where to find "The Hot Pearl Snatch" and the allure of "Cornfed Dames" you too will shed your problems and just smile. Lux Interior and Poison Ivy Rorscach belong in the Rock & Roll hall of fame.

7. Elizabeth Harper-Elizabeth Harper (2003)
It makes me mad that everyone in the world doesn't have this record. You are all missing out and should e-mail her on myspace tommorow, She possesses a face that you would swear was painted by Modigiani which I mention only to spur you to seek out her next live performance. I take solace in her at every listen. Her sweet, strong voice will curl up with you like a favorite blanket and heat up your room like a fireplace.

8. Black Rose-Thin Lizzy (1979)
Yes, Jailbreak is their watershed record but I have always favored this one. Why? Track 4: "Waiting for an Alibi". When the rampant and unrelenting commercialization of this holiday wears me down I know I can come home and bathe in the twin-guitar riff-pornography of "Alibi". Thin Lizzy made pure, undistilled rock and roll and we are all the better for it.

9.Road to Ruin-The Ramones (1978)
Pretty much anything in the Ramones catalog is a pile of smiles, put I always return to this-the first one I ever got. It contains "I Wanna Be Sedated", "I Just Want to Have Something to Do" and the greatest valentine a girl could ever receive "She's The One". Shortly after receiving this my family bought a VCR. The first movie I rented was Rock 'n' Roll High School. I watched it no less than 10 times that weekend, and not only did it fuel my love for the Ramones (the greatest rock and roll band America ever produced) but it inspired my life-long crush on P.J. Soles. Carrie, Halloween and Stripes magnified it. If I ever have a daughter her name will be Riff Randell Trout. If you ever want to cheer me up just shout "Questioningly-ingly!,Questioningly-ingly!" at me.

10.For Those in Love-Dinah Washington (1955)
Put this on at midnight and look out your window. Whether you are surrounded by snow, live in a desert or reside in a swamp, the world will look like the most beautiful place you have ever seen. Put this on when your best girl is over and you'll definitely find out what she bought at Victoria's Secret today. If you are by yourself, You'll feel like Dinah is your girl. If there was one piece of singular beauty I could hold in my hand and give someone, this would be it. A breathtaking, timeless and staggering work of art. This is one of those things that makes you sit down and wonder if it wasn't divine. You will weep and want to buy all of your friends a copy.
So there you go. Merry Christmas, Happy belated Chaunakkah, have a rockin Ramadan, and happy Voodoo Day.
If you are more of a movie person I prescribe Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Sleeper, Rushmore, The Straight Story and Heavy Metal Parking Lot, and anything with Sophia Loren (especially 'Yesterday, Today & Tommorow'). Just knowing you lived on the same planet as her is enough to make you feel pretty good
On December 24 I will be continuing my tradition of listening to the Rocky Horror Picture Show soundtrack all day. It's important to remember that there is always a light on at the Frankenstein place.
finally, on behalf of a certain very special someone out there, I would like you all to watch Platoon.













































